- February 2020
Climb aboard a scarlet steam engine and travel to a haunted castle in the Scottish Highlands for an enchanting and legally safe sketch show which may or may not be parodying a certain book and movie franchise about a certain boy wizard.
- February 2020
"I can't know you in one hundred and forty."
"Try."
How do you communicate under a law which limits your speech to 140 words a day? Bernadette and Olive meet at a cat's funeral and steadily move towards the realisation that, for all their attempts at Morse code, contractions and telling stories with their eyes, something was already lost in translation between them long before the Hush Law was passed.
- February 2020
First time performers, first rate comedy. After 2 sell out shows last term join us for our first smoker of the new year!
- February 2020
Join DOCTOR WHOM for a wibbly-wobbly adventure across time and space as they traverse the cosmos with their impressionable sidekick and talking robot dog. However, disaster strikes from an unexpected place when Doctor Whom defeats all their enemies for good, ridding the universe of all evil. Facing an identity crisis and long-long-long-term retirement, the Doctor must reckon with their greatest enemy: themselves.
"Stylish, fact-paced, and genuinely funny ... beg, borrow, or use your sonic screwdriver to wrangle a ticket to this whimsical take on the classic series. You won’t be sorry. ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐" - The Tab
- November 2019
‘Mais la raison n’est pas ce qui règle l’amour/But reason does not govern love.’ Molière
The Cambridge Annual French Play: a radically avant-garde and minimalist modernization of one of the most influential French plays ever written. The first time Cambridge has ever done a truly bilingual play; simultaneously in French and English and with no subtitles.
Protagonist Alceste, member of the glitterati, despises his world’s insincerity and puts up an epic struggle against the calculating rules of the fame game. Disillusioned with humanity itself and increasingly unpopular, he ironically falls in love with the epitome of the world he detests: the flirtatious and flighty Célimène, a feisty gossip columnist/part-time feminist. Watch a hilarious debacle over a critical poetry review taken to Kafkaesque extremes when Alceste is put on trial for his cruel but honest criticism (in the form of a Facebook dislike). A play about reputation, and a satire of the 21st century media, journalism and Hollywood culture, putting Sartre's thesis that we only exist in the eyes of others to the test.
In short, a rattling good yarn.
- November 2019
Why is the floor sticky?
Is that a good thing?
Who's going to clean it later?
For the answers to these questions and, just as importantly, free wine(!) come down to Pembroke New Cellars on Sunday for the 2nd Smoker of the year!
- October–November 2019
Trurl and Klapaucius are two of the greatest inventors the galaxy has ever seen. However, unparalleled as they are, there often comes a point where their creations tend to get the better of them...
A new adaptation inspired by the short stories of Stanisław Lem, Fables for Robots is an assorted medley of nuts and bolts, presented in the shiniest chromium physical theatre format for your viewing pleasure. Join Trurl and Klapaucius as they set off on a genre-spanning journey, from sci-fi to philosophy to surrealist comedy, and race through the universe in series of self-edifying quests. Tremble before the rambunctious robotic monarch King Krool; gasp in awe at the intergalactic intransigence of Pirate Pugg; weep at the beatific musical stylings of Trurl's electronic bard; hearken back to a time when we still dreamed of a future full of promise, wonder, and tinfoil spaceships.
We present to you - Fables for Robots.
- October 2019
"Mum, mum, dad, PLEASE can we go to the FRESHER'S SMOKER?"
"Yeah please mum!"
"There's even FREE WINE!"
Fresher's week smoker is BACK, so buy your tickets and bring your kids down to New Cellars on Friday!
- March 2019
'Chewing Gum: A Sketch Show' is an hour of the freshest, mintiest, hubba hubba bubba bubbliest comedy around! Get ready to pop, lock and polka dot, as we go full Violet Beauregarde and chomp down on the things we love to love, or even love to hate.
- February 2019
‘How does it feel?’ presents an hour of perspectives that are not often heard. Written and performed by LGBTQ+ people who feel their identities and experiences are under-represented or not well-known, it promises to be be warm, funny, informative, emotional, fresh and -- most of all -- honest.
From stand-up and sketch comedy to personal stories, naturalism to absurdity, the show will be a space for people to express themselves in their own terms. We hope you come away laughing, thinking and feeling in ways you might not have expected.
- February 2019
"Well, in this age of medical technology, an old age pensioner is peeing into a Coca-Cola bottle using a Beano comic as a funnel."
The tense silence of a gynaecologist's waiting room is shattered as Rita waltzes in and starts solving everyone's problems. Her brash, funny, pragmatic, out-spoken, but ultimately brilliant advice takes charge in a whirlwind of noise and colour. Gin will be drunk, patient files read and complaints lodged...
Book your appointment with Dr Riley and step into 1979; this immersive theatre piece will transform New Cellars into a waiting room full of people... and their uteri.
- February 2019
“Welcome to the Dead Parents Society. Sign up on the sheet at the side and take a name tag. Sit, and talk, and realise that you are not alone: we are all grieving something”
A new play written by Finty Hunter: Dead Parents Society is a play about how we grieve, how we cope with trauma, and how we find community in the wreckage. Set over several weeks in a group therapy session, four young adults find themselves attempting to deal, in whatever way that means for them, with their loss.
Content Warnings [may contain spoilers]
parent death, grief, brief mention of suicide, mention of rape.
- November 2018
Here on True Stories we've become concerned about the troubling trend of irresponsible, one sided news stories plaguing our country. Most media outlets publish these same fake stories, that just aren’t true, without checking facts first.
But don't worry, we're here to save Democracy - one True Story at a time.
True Stories is a brand-new Michaelmas current affairs sketch show, reporting from Pembroke New Cellars at 9.30pm (week 7). Come down for a night of journalistic expertise, reliability, integrity, and the absolute truth.
We are fighting fake news. It's fake, phony, and fake.
Fake news is enemy of the people.
Sad!
- November 2018
West Germany, 1971. Petra von Kant is a successful and self-absorbed fashion designer whose career is sustained by the toil of her devoted assistant Marlene. But her narcissistic world is shattered when the beautiful ingénue Karin enters her life, and Petra suddenly finds herself overcome with passion and in danger of losing the grip on power she has so carefully cultivated. This play, by one of the most important dramatists of post-war Europe, explores sadism, masochism, and the ways in which control, obsession and dependency masquerade as love, as well as the relationship between identity and artifice in a world dominated by elaborate dress and ravishing decoration.
- November 2018
It's back only bigger, better, and stickier.
If anyone's confused...
sticky
/ˈstɪki/
adjective
1.
tending or designed to stick to things on contact.
floor
/flɔː/
noun
1.
the lower surface of a room, on which one may walk.
Sticky Floor Smoker
/'stɪki flɔː ˈsməʊkə/
noun.
1.
A bloody brilliant line-up including top Footlights veterans and the hottest new talent alike. Known to induce pant wetting laughter.
Get down to the cellars and see for yourselves what is sure to be "A truly fantastic night of comedy"- The Tab.
- November 2018
"You understand that pornography-your pornography-is now the Great British sex education?"
How do you infiltrate the patriarchy? Through campaigns and activism? Playing the system? Or monetizing female sexuality? Women, Power and Politics presents a trio of cutting, insightful and darkly humorous plays that explore the dynamics of gender and authority. From united suffragettes to an MP struggling to be more than just one of 'Blair's Babes' the collection challenges who is liberated and just how far this emancipation goes. These three elegant and separate stories chronicle the development of British politics and questions its future showcasing love, friendship and bitter rivalry between those who take on the system....
- November 2018
Harry and Ella walk into a bar. They’ve been together a year now. It’s going well.
Until suddenly – after a not-so-quick trip to the Ladies – it’s not.
Watch the drama unfold, first from the corridor outside, and then from within THE most glamorous, the most mysterious, the most sacred of all locations: the ladies’ loos. During Act 1, lament the many impediments of being male – waiting for your girlfriend (seriously, how long does it take to put a tampon in?), neglected, powerless, and, as always, excluded from the action. During Act 2, see what you were missing – revel in the glory of being female, of being welcomed into this chapel of piss, poo and periods, where the gossip and the drama flows as readily as the sickly pink soap from the silver dispensers. And most importantly, find out what happened behind cubicle doors to rock this Perfect Couple.
New endings and old beginnings, frustration and embarrassment, humour and tenderness – this play examines the walls we build around gender and sexuality, and the difficulties of navigating a queer new world when these walls unexpectedly come down.
- October 2018
Genet’s absurdist masterpiece was inspired by a real-life scandal, the murder by two maids, sisters Christine and Léa Papin, of their mistress and her daughter. Genet’s maids – Solange and Claire – occupy themselves whenever their Madame is out by acting out ritualised fantasies of revenging their downtrodden status. As the lines between reality and the fantastical world of their game blur, the sisters descend further into a thrilling psychosexual melodrama that calls into question the nature of class, of gender, and of theatre itself.
- August 2018
CN: sexual and physical violence, homophobia and racism
'Rights of Passage' is going to the fringe! Rated 4.5 stars by Varsity, this important show about refugee experience is not one to be missed!
Miremba, a Ugandan woman forced to leave her girlfriend and marry. Izzuddin, a Malay man who’s scholarship is removed when his sexuality is revealed. Hamed, an Iranian man who is told by the British Home Office that he is not gay. In their countries they are defined and oppressed based on their sexuality, in England their identity is denied without evidence. They are all asylum seekers, they are all LGBT+, and their stories are all true.
In Oxcam’s first venture to the Fringe, we bring you real stories from real asylum seekers. With much of the dialogue transcribed from interviews, ‘Rights of Passage’ provides an authentic and heart-breaking insight into the lives of refugees and the struggles they face. Persecuted in their countries, their oppression doesn’t end when they come to England. Their voices are taken away from them. Come, hear their stories.
- August 2018
Kritarth Jha has been called many things: an Engineer, Development Economist but most importantly; Broke. Join him as he takes you on a 45 minute review of the Economics Discipline via a new sub-field which he likes to call “Econo-Standup”. Built over a year of open mics and the ruins of what used to be a Masters Degree, this promises to be the most enthusiastically mediocre show you’ll see. Come for the laughs, go home a staunch skeptical Empiricist.
- May 2018
"It was eight o'clock /
the city came to life /
Someone must have been telling lies about Joseph K. "
"Art should be limitless. The deepest core of our being. We need to expose the demons and we may find something unexpected. Illuminate. Offend. Learn something."
K wakes up one morning to find himself charged with a crime and brought to trial. However, no one seems able to tell him why. Follow him on his descent to truth, meeting a myriad of characters along the way. Berkoff's adaptation of Kafka's iconic novel blends physical theatre and mime to bring to life this surreal nightmare. This play promises to ask what it means to be human and lost.
- May 2018
Harry Porter Prize nominee Fowl Play: No Country For Old Hens is a bizzare country farce focusing around the antics of a Derbyshire village Women's Institute. The annual hen race is fast approaching and when a rare welsh breed chicken which was sure to win them feathery victory vanishes under mysterious circumstances, a rag-tag bunch of members take matters into their own hands!
- March 2018
From the creators of Speechless and Pearly Gates, comes a new ego trip/narrative comedy.
In order to maximise efficiency and solve a global population problem, the government decrees a new law for the 70 billion living in the world. At the 18th birthday of each citizen, they must prove themselves to a machine that they are the best in the world at something, be that astrophysics or avocado consumption. Enter Trevor: a man with no discernible talents whatsoever, genuinely just a really dull person. His parents spend their days worrying what will happen at his initiation. However, on the day, the machine malfunctions as it declares that he is the best in the world at being the best at nothing. This paradox makes him an enemy of the state and he must go on the run, becoming a figurehead of the rebellion and meeting an array of colourful characters before having a showdown with the head of the totalitarian government.
Some Like It Tepid is the new narrative sketch comedy show from Jasmin Rees, Comrie Saville-Ferguson and Dan Allum-Gruselle. Parodying the Matrix and 1984, it is a tale of pressure from others to be the best (Cambridge!?), accepting yourself, meaninglessness from a large population and the dangers of meritocracy above the value of people.
- March 2018
'Seagulls: A Sketch Show' is a fresh and funky new show celebrating the silliness of our generation. Prepare to take a trip down memory lane, to the sound of 'Yeah!' by Usher (ft Lil Jon and Ludacris), with a whole host of millenial characters you're gonna love/hate.
- March 2018
Paris in the late 1800s: the place for artists and romantics. Arthur Rimbaud and Paul Verlaine, two of the greatest French poets, embark upon a near fatal affair that sparks questions about love, poetry and the importance of present experience.
From Academy Award winning playwright, Christopher Hampton, this historical play takes a close and very human look at the two world-famous poets, exploring the power of art and the nature of creativity, questioning how much of oneself one should give – both to one’s craft and to the person one loves. Showing considerable insight into the bourgeois and artistic societies of the period as well as a moving understanding of homosexuality, this promises to be both an exciting and challenging play. Coming Lent Term 2018!
- February 2018
It's an important day for Helen Alving: not only has her son Oswald returned from living in Paris, after many years away, but she's opening a new school in the memory of her late husband, Captain Alving. During a visit from Reverend Manders, an old friend who is due to dedicate the school, the day before the grand opening, secrets reveal themselves all around, and Helen has to face the possibility that her life is going to collapse around her. How can she carry on, as the ghosts of her past continue to haunt her?
'ghosts' is the premiere of an exciting new adaptation of Ibsen's play by director Josh Cleary, who has moved the play's setting from 1880s Norway to 1990s Kensington, dealing with LGBT issues of the time, particularly the AIDS crisis.
CONTENT WARNING: AIDS, Homophobia, Incest, Suicide
- February 2018
Prepare for the return of the swankiest, most sophisticated smoker of the year! The Black Tie Smoker showcases some of Cambridge's finest comedians as they fight tooth and claw for a £50 cash prize (and mad street cred).
As the name suggests, dress code is black tie and the theme is FREE WINE. The smoker has been known to sell out since the beginning of time (or at least since records began), so snap those tickets up!
- February 2018
Stockings Open Mic nights are a space for women and non-binary comedians to try out material in a relaxed, supportive environment. All styles of comedy are welcome, and there are no auditions - just email Ania (am2489@cam.ac.uk), Emma (ep429@cam.ac.uk) and/or Ruby (rnk23@cam.ac.uk) to request a slot!
REMEMBER the Four Ws of Stockings Open Mic Nights:
Women
Wine
Works-in-progress
Wlaughter
- February 2018
Twenty Four is a sketch show set over a day with a sketch for every hour on the hour.
Starting at noon in the offices of Pixar, join Footlights Smoker regulars Joe McGuchan and Alex Watson as we take you through an afternoon of unfortunate schemes in customer relations, an evening of couples who can’t keep them thoughts to themselves and finish in the morning.
- February 2018
The White Rabbit Red Rabbit website says:
"THE PLAY YOU ARE ABOUT TO SEE IS SEALED INSIDE AN ENVELOPE.
The actor about to perform has never seen it. In fact, there is a new actor every performance, and they’ve only been told what is absolutely necessary:
Do not Google this play.
Prepare to impersonate a [blank].
Once you start, you must finish...
NO MATTER WHAT.
WHITE RABBIT RED RABBIT has been called a play. But it’s a lively, global sensation that no-one is allowed to talk about. Its award-winning playwright, Nassim Soleimanpour, is Iranian. His words have escaped censorship and are awaiting your audience. Slyly humorous and audaciously pointed, this ‘theater entertainment meets social experiment’ is unlike anything, and will make you question everything. Have fun!
WE DARE YOU NOT TO GOOGLE FOR MORE.
JOIN THE ACTORS AND LEAP."
(http://www.whiterabbitredrabbit.com)
Five performers. A different performer every night delivering the 'monologue'.
Come along to see this audacious piece of 'theatre' in the Pembroke Players committee play!
Dates List:
Ashleigh Weir (Tues 6th Feb)
Joe Pieri (7th)
Jess Murdoch (8th)
Tilda Wickham (9th)
Tom Taplin (10th)
URGENT: This play is NOT overtly political, and should not be portrayed as such. It operates on a deeper, metaphoric level, and very expressly avoids overt political comment. All media and press agents have to keep in mind that the playwright lives in Iran. We therefore ask the press to be judicious in their reportage.
- November 2017
"Lovers to bed; 'tis almost fairy time"
Welcome to this re-imagining of the Shakespearean classic, where the real and fantastical collide in a kaleidoscope of love, loss and magic.
It's got everything you could ever want: comedy, romance, drama - even a man with a donkey's head!
In a world where the forest is home to the human and the faerie, nothing is ever quite as it seems: actions have unimaginable consequences and confusion reigns throughout.
Join us in the Pembroke New Cellars and dream the night away!
- November 2017
63 AD.
Nero’s Rome.
The city is in turmoil under the rule of a dangerous tyrant, but Encolpius is more worried about the fact he can't get it up. Join him and his fellow reprobates as they drink, argue and shag their way across Italy in a journey that will take them all the way from the brothel houses of Puteoli to the sex-mad cult at Croton, enduring along the way shipwrecks, terrible poets and the grotesque company of the obscene noveau riche Trimalchio.
Adapted from the ‘Roman Novel’ of Petronius, The Satyricon will be a dark and scandalous journey through the twisted decadence of the Roman Empire, and a riotous piece of immersive theatre.
Presented in association with the Cambridge University Classics Society.
- November 2017
“Unfortunately it’s never gonna stop, Molly. People are always suspicious of people who are different. Human nature.”
Set in present day Philadelphia, White Guy on the Bus follows the life of a wealthy white businessman Ray who rides the same bus week after week, eventually befriending a single African American woman. What initially appears to be friendly rapport between unlikely acquaintances soon turns into an uncomfortable business proposition. As Ray’s alternative motives are revealed, it becomes clear that this is definitely not a play about mutually beneficial relationships formed across social and racial divides, but one revealing the hard truths about the latent racism that characterises much of American life today.
- November 2017
We're back! After a smash sell-out Fresher's Week Smoker, Pembroke Players have teamed up with GADS for a fantastic collab night of comedy and sticky-floors. Featuring a hot-to-trot line-up with some of the best comedians Cambridge has to offer, this is one you won't want to miss!
As always, wine will be provided ~~
Ticket link below:
Students: £6, Concessions: £4 (Girton students eligible for this discount).
- November 2017
A brand new sketch show from Footlights Rhiannon Shaw, Rufus McAlister, and Adam Woolf.
Rufus has been really struggling in the bedroom department lately, so Rhiannon and Adam, our resident sexperts, have agreed to take him under their wing, and show him the finer points of attracting that special someone.
Through a series of sketches, songs and monologues, we go on a whistle stop tour of all things sexy, from 1st dates to bondage, and everything in between.
Will Rufus be able to use his new-found knowledge to woo his beau? Maybe his would-be lover is already in the audience...
Previous Praise:
"A sample of the quirkiness and brilliance of Cambridge’s late-night comedy scene" - Varsity
"Varied, relatable and, most importantly of all, funny" - The Tab
"Innovative and excellent with a glorious bizarreness" - CTR
★★★★★ Varsity
★★★★★ CTR
★★★★½ The Tab
9/10 TCS
- November 2017
Join a line-up of hilarious Cambridge Footlights regulars as they go entirely off-script in Panel Show: Live From the Cellars!
